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Sunday, December 13, 2009

Looking Back

I never meant to stay away so long. In fact, my original plan was to take a picture a day and post it in December to get me back into the swing of posting and routine. Lately life is anything but routine, in a lot of ways that is a good thing, in other ways--sometimes I just have to remember to step back and breathe a bit.

(Class set up at Swank December 6th)
And so today I turn 41. Reflecting back not just on this year but the 40 years leading up to this day, I am so proud of so many things. I'd want to go back and change a few, who wouldn't. There again, it's those bumps in the road that lead us down the clearer path eventually so maybe the things I would have changed were supposed to be there all along. The bigger question, what's next? What do I want to do for not just me, but for my family, my career, the community--what are my goals? I looked back in my idea book for 2009 and it is full of things that I wrote down as goals and plans for the year and it was wonderful to see I accomplished many of them, those that I didn't button up, I did make headway on. It's always better to move forward rather than not move anywhere at all. Even with little steps, you still make progress.

Creating everyday has become more than a habit, it's become a life line for me. Nourishing, safe, challenging, and peaceful even when I've over committed myself, I still feel more at peace creating than I do anything else.
My kids are by far, my dearest and most proud accomplishments. It's fun seeing my to babies grow into such thoughtful, intelligent, kind, funny, generous, giving, and loving young men. I get teary eyed just thinking about how much joy they've giving me in the last 15 years. We have our bumps in the road and things aren't exactly like I would have envisioned them between us, but in the end-I know things are the way they should be for now. I can't wait to see how they evolve as I enter the latter half of my life. Theirs is just beginning.
I've created a lot of commission pieces this year, far more than I could have expected and for that I'm very grateful. This next project I'm working on, is one of my hardest as it is a memorial painting for a mother who's young daughter lost her short battle with heart disease.
Through art, I'm learning how to deal with emotions, even those that are not mine alone.
December 2009-1 (600 x 480)
Over the last couple of years, I've become connected. Connected with an abundance of wonderfully beautiful, talented, giving, and amazing creative individuals that I can call my friends. This is huge for me because I've had a hard time making friends in the south not because of the people, but because I was not open to it. I was all about my job and my family and not always in that order. Shameful to say but true--mostly because I felt I had to be that way in order to keep our financial world afloat. When I let go of some major things in my world, I became opened to some very positive things, people, and opportunities. I am way happier than ever before in my life, a lot of it has to do with me finding my creative side and feeling good about myself again.
If you don't feel good about yourself, and believe in yourself--it's hard to expect others to feel that way either about you. Unfortunately over the last few months, I've kinda become sucked back into an area of my life I had thought I had gotten passed but I gave it one more shot (after a bazillion) one more shots and I do believe it has been poisoning me. I have been thinking of why I feel a bit out of sorts, overwhelmed, not very focused, and just in general not overly happy. And then I realized that the one major thing that has changed is being around a person that is very draining on me emotionally and it has affected me tremendously and in the same vein, my children. No one ever told me breaking free from what should be obvious could be so hard. My friends have intervened in a good way yesterday, bringing me back to reality and at a point of strength where I feel I can move forward with my head tall and feet firmly planted.
December 2009
Maybe after I march forward, I will be able to truly enjoy all that I have worked so hard for.

41 years and I finally own a home, I have a career, two wonderful children, a hobby that has turned into a passion and many more dreams yet to accomplish before the sun sets.

December 20091
Thank you for looking back for a brief moment with me as I get ready to really and truly move forward for this next half of my life.


pinkglitterfae said...

I am so happy for you Jodi! You deserve all the best in life. I am glad it sounds like you are cutting ties to the negative energy of the person you mentioned. It may not be easy, but believe me, you cannot thrive with that crap in your life. Anyone that holds you back, needs to go...and move forward to a wonderful and fulfilling life.
Happy Birthday! and welcome to my decade, lol!

Heidi said...

Happy birthday! So many positive changes, even in the few short years I've been reading your blog. Congratulations and celebrate! And good for your friends for calling you on your issue. They sound like great friends.

jim said...

Jodi, I don't ever leave comments, but feel compelled to now after reading. Pinkglitterfae said it all! I have known you for a longgggggg time, and hold many great memories of a woman who was always so positive, and ready to tackle the future. you deserve the best, and have worked to hard to accept anything less. I pray you know that I will be there when needed through these times, and remember, we all love you and always have.

Anonymous said...

Jodi I love you. I admire your strength. Your beautiful, your children are wonderful, and a reflection on you. You can do anything you set your mind to. I have seen it first hand. I love you and miss you. Happy Birthday, I called you didnt answer....
Love your favorite sister

Melanie said...

Hi, Jodi, I was/am in your faux encaustic class ... and I just want to say BRAVO to you on your post.
By the way, I have completed the painting ... encaustic and all! but I 'messed it up' .. went too far. So am now sitting on it. I know it happens, so not tryign to be too hard on myself. Problem was I LOVED LOVED LOVED IT. But your very last step, I shouldn't have done. LOL. but I learned so much from this class! Much more than the 'faux encaustic' part! Just wanted you to know!

Melanie said...

Oh, and happy birthday! lol!

PCarriker said...

Happy Birthdays sweetie! You just keep being you and don't let anyone bring you down. All the best in the New Year, enjoy the holidays!!

Raesha D said...

Happy happy happy happy birthday!!! Hope it was absolutely awesome!!! XOXO!!

whyte said...

You've come so far just in the few months I've "known" you through etsy and your blog. So, is superwoman having a bad day?! Gosh, who knew? (commenting with love behind those remarks!) I'm thinking you need a hug and a little spoonful of "well-alrighty-then". God made umbrellas for stormy days so don't forget yours when you go out in the rain!! Happy Birthday to a woman who I happen to believe is remarkable! And determined! And smart! And normal!


Happy have so much to be proud of and many friends who cheer you on :) be joyful and have a very Merry Christmas, sweetie !!

ArtSnark said...

Happy Belated Birthday, Jodi. Congrats on all you have accomplished! You are an outstanding example of how we create our own destiny.

Look forward to seeing what wonders you make & do in 2010

Kathy said...

Hiya Jodi girl~
Your post made me cry, but a good cry. And made me soul search a bit too. Negative energy is so hard to rid oneself of. I battle it daily! And not always on the winning side. It is so easy to go back to the negative thoughts/ways. In a way it is a safe place, but a lonely place too. You sound like you are well on your path, and send good postive thoughts to you! Your a beautiful spirit, I have always thought this....
Happy New you and Happy New Year to come. Sending many hugs....

Nanette said...

Happy Belated Birhtday! Dear friend!
You deserve the best in life, you have earned it.

Jeanne Rhea said...

Great post! I wish you the very best. You deserve all goodthings.

catarinajbatiste said...

怠惰使一切事情都困難,勤勞使一切事情都容易 ..................................................