Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Winds of Change
If I had a dime for every time I cried over the last few days, I'd be a millionaire.
Isn't if funny that during a time that one should be feeling so much joy and excitement,
I'm feeling worn down and broken.
I guess I'm the kind of person that gets very worked up about things, emotional and passionate, anxiety prone and determined all at the same time. And then, something happens that I just can't control despite the best laid plans which sends me into a tailspin.
What to do, what to do, when you can not win either way you turn? What to do when you
want things to be one way and the wind blows in an entirely new direction? How can you rise above the feelings of sadness and bring back the light to where it should have been shining?
The only thing I know how to do to alleviate some of the stress and pain is through my art. Creating can heal, but it can't solve the world problems. Nor can it solve mine. I wish it could, so that tomorrow when I close on the house, I can also feel the joy and excitement about something that I wanted for so long and have worked so hard for to make happen. There's going to be someone missing when I get my keys and when we spend our first night there, and it breaks my heart and engulfs my world with sadness to the point I almost wanted to say forget it all...the house, my art, my job...just crawl in a little ball and let the world go on around me.
But that would be giving up, and giving up isn't something I normally do. But I do have to let go and allow some things to work out without my forcing them to. Time does heal some wounds and the rest, well, the best we can hope for is a strong band aid to get us through till it heals enough to stand on it's own.
Change brings about excitement, joy, fear, apprehension, and anxiety for me.....it's when the rest of the world spins so fast that I need to just step back and catch my breath so that I can move forward with the strength I know is inside of me.
Wind please guide this change with the gentlest of breeze....that is all that I ask, for now....
(((Art courtesy of my class that I taught at Swank this week...."Mixed Media Symbolic Portraits, "Change"...what do you think, do you feel that I should continue to work with portraits some and offer them in my Etsy shop?????))