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Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Winds of Change

If I had a dime for every time I cried over the last few days, I'd be a millionaire.
Isn't if funny that during a time that one should be feeling so much joy and excitement,
I'm feeling worn down and broken.
I guess I'm the kind of person that gets very worked up about things, emotional and passionate, anxiety prone and determined all at the same time. And then, something happens that I just can't control despite the best laid plans which sends me into a tailspin.
What to do, what to do, when you can not win either way you turn? What to do when you
want things to be one way and the wind blows in an entirely new direction? How can you rise above the feelings of sadness and bring back the light to where it should have been shining?

The only thing I know how to do to alleviate some of the stress and pain is through my art. Creating can heal, but it can't solve the world problems. Nor can it solve mine. I wish it could, so that tomorrow when I close on the house, I can also feel the joy and excitement about something that I wanted for so long and have worked so hard for to make happen. There's going to be someone missing when I get my keys and when we spend our first night there, and it breaks my heart and engulfs my world with sadness to the point I almost wanted to say forget it all...the house, my art, my job...just crawl in a little ball and let the world go on around me.
But that would be giving up, and giving up isn't something I normally do. But I do have to let go and allow some things to work out without my forcing them to. Time does heal some wounds and the rest, well, the best we can hope for is a strong band aid to get us through till it heals enough to stand on it's own.

Change brings about excitement, joy, fear, apprehension, and anxiety for's when the rest of the world spins so fast that I need to just step back and catch my breath so that I can move forward with the strength I know is inside of me.

Wind please guide this change with the gentlest of breeze....that is all that I ask, for now....

(((Art courtesy of my class that I taught at Swank this week...."Mixed Media Symbolic Portraits, "Change"...what do you think, do you feel that I should continue to work with portraits some and offer them in my Etsy shop?????))


Renée Gandy said...

"There's going to be someone missing when I get my keys and when we spend our first night there"

Oh Jodi..I'm so sad for you wish it was not so..but..some things don't work out the way we want..

on your daughter said. "it looks like she's painted our lips.." and it does :)
Hang in there..I hop things get better and you can enjoy the enw house.

whyte said...

"...what do you think, do you feel that I should continue to work with portraits some and offer them in my Etsy shop?????"

Why, certainly!!

Storms pass, the sun comes out. One day at a time. Sing at the top of your lungs Tomorrow

whyte said...

Tomorrow is a hot link by the way :)

paperdreamer said...

Your portraits are wonderful ! I Love your blog .
Keep strong and move forward !

Maureen said...

Yes Jodi, one day at a time as Whyte said. It's become not just a mantra but a way of life for me. Change is good, sometimes excruciatingly painful, but it keeps us from getting stuck in one place, it forces us to move forward into the light.

Household 6 said...

Big big big big hugs girl. I love that you incorporated your emotion into this one!!!

pinkglitterfae said...

Jodi sorry you are going through such a rough time right now. But keep in mind it is not your job to fix things, or keep things together. You must simply cope as best you can. We can't control life, so you do what you do best. Enjoy your new home, which is what you have wanted for a while, and keep on creating. I love the portraits too, by the way.
keep your chin up girl!

WindandHoney said...

Jodi, I'm so sorry for your pain. Take a deep breath and hold your chin up. You are a person of value.

starrynightimpressions said...

thinking of you Jodi, and agreeing that change is difficult sometimes, but also good for us too.
I'm so proud of you and that you stuck to your dream of owning your own home!!! You did it girl and it's going to be wonderful, even with all the changes etc.

nzeller said...

I heard myself in you post. The only thing that stays constant is change. Things will work out in their own time. You're doing the best thing by driving forward and standing your ground. I'm so proud of you!

Yesterday, you realized a dream that not everyone can obtain. You are setting a wonderful example for both of your sons. If every boy had a mom like you, this world would be overflowing with fabulous men.

Keep moving forward.

ArtSnark said...

sending hugs & good thoughts!

Your piece came out great - love how the blue almost seems to glow

Alisa Nordholt-Dean said...

Sending happy thoughts your way that everything will work out for the best. Your portraits are wonderful and you should definitely continue to explore them.