Today I feel like someone hit me across my back with a baseball bat. It has to be stress is all that I can think of, my shoulders, my upper back, and my chest all feel like I have been in a slug fest. What a difference a week makes. After reading the Secret, I should know better than to let all this negative energy into my world but even those with the strongest resilience to pressure and stress at times fall victim to the negativity. That would be the case with me this week. Many of you may know that my day job is that of a bank manager, and my company just happens to be on of the big ones that has been splashed all over the news this week. It's been disheartening to say the least. With the economy of the world spinning around at the speed of light and our livelihood and career seemingly falling apart, it's amazing how it all can not just affect you emotionally, but physically as well.
While I normally don't speak much of my work life, I just wanted everyone that does know me and who does know who I work for in real life--know that I haven't lost my job and our branches are secure for the moment and not going anywhere. I wish I could cushion my employees though from hearing many thoughtless comments from people who come in to the center but I can't. If those who open their mouth would actually listen to what comes out of it before they actually breathe the words that dribble from their lip, it would be a miracle. I wish people would remember that the fault of a few are not caused by those that you deal with on a day to day basis and who have taken care of your needs for many years with a smile on their face. People are feeling the stress of the world and are rightfully so frustrated and angry and concerned, and perplexed at how did this all happen to us.
As a manager though, I take it in and handle what I can for those issues that are brought to my attention--but it does feel like all of my energy and my every bit of life has been just about sucked out of me. I am glad i was able to escape a bit this weekend and finish up the last of my September paintings. Those that I have created to feature in Flynne's Coffee shop in Southern Pines, NC. All in all, I brought her 18 new pieces and 11 prints and many new magnets I made. I feel better now that that's all done and ready to go. I pushed myself to get it done and it was a hellacious weekend for me to be plugging away with my artwork in a lot of ways because of all the stress I was feeling. But I did it, and I feel better. Talk about mixed emotions. Amazingly happy that I made my goal and then some, but anxious and mentally exhausted from all the craziness going on in my work life.
In the end, I just have to stop playing out every scenario in my head and beating myself up over things I can not control. You have to roll with the punches and instead of fighting the winds of change and subscribing to the chaos--you hold yourself with dignity and carry on to the best of your ability. That's all you can do.
This weekend I saw a fellow mixed media artist at our farmer's market and she said something that is prolific in a way. ' If you can make something, you can sell something. We will be okay because we can create with our hands. You just have to get out there and do that. ' Maybe that's what I'm moving towards because I'm quickly finding out that even the safest of havens aren't always all that safe. Always think ahead, plan for the next turn in the road and forge ahead before the rest of the crowd catches up with you.
Last week I was deep in thought about changing positions within my company and I was almost there, I had it in my hand I was moving forward--and this all happened this weekend. The turn of events made me stop and reevaluate my decision as if a lightening bolt had struck just in front of where I was about to step. Stop. Wait. Listen. Now's not the time to do this. I had to listen to the wind. I had to listen to my body. My body was aching and anxious with the turn of events of our industry of our industry. How it all would effect this decision I had made and how it would effect my future was a chance I'm just not willing to take right now with all the uncertainty.
One thing I am certain of, is that I will always create. I will never stop now. Maybe my drive and ambition is that much more fired up. Sometimes necessity spurs change, change spurs action, and action will transcend into rewards. Now stop and listen. I had to. I did. And I'm staying where I'm at, but I'm definitely keeping my eye close to the future.
You are viewing my latest set of paintings. I didn't create them so much with a place in mind like my other paintings of late, but more so for a exploration of color and monotone work. I love this combination of yellow, white, gray and black--what are your thoughts? Does it make you smile? Do they speak to you??