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Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Reflections of the Week

Today I feel like someone hit me across my back with a baseball bat. It has to be stress is all that I can think of, my shoulders, my upper back, and my chest all feel like I have been in a slug fest. What a difference a week makes. After reading the Secret, I should know better than to let all this negative energy into my world but even those with the strongest resilience to pressure and stress at times fall victim to the negativity. That would be the case with me this week. Many of you may know that my day job is that of a bank manager, and my company just happens to be on of the big ones that has been splashed all over the news this week. It's been disheartening to say the least. With the economy of the world spinning around at the speed of light and our livelihood and career seemingly falling apart, it's amazing how it all can not just affect you emotionally, but physically as well.
Flowers of Love and Belief
While I normally don't speak much of my work life, I just wanted everyone that does know me and who does know who I work for in real life--know that I haven't lost my job and our branches are secure for the moment and not going anywhere. I wish I could cushion my employees though from hearing many thoughtless comments from people who come in to the center but I can't. If those who open their mouth would actually listen to what comes out of it before they actually breathe the words that dribble from their lip, it would be a miracle. I wish people would remember that the fault of a few are not caused by those that you deal with on a day to day basis and who have taken care of your needs for many years with a smile on their face. People are feeling the stress of the world and are rightfully so frustrated and angry and concerned, and perplexed at how did this all happen to us.
flowers of belief
As a manager though, I take it in and handle what I can for those issues that are brought to my attention--but it does feel like all of my energy and my every bit of life has been just about sucked out of me. I am glad i was able to escape a bit this weekend and finish up the last of my September paintings. Those that I have created to feature in Flynne's Coffee shop in Southern Pines, NC. All in all, I brought her 18 new pieces and 11 prints and many new magnets I made. I feel better now that that's all done and ready to go. I pushed myself to get it done and it was a hellacious weekend for me to be plugging away with my artwork in a lot of ways because of all the stress I was feeling. But I did it, and I feel better. Talk about mixed emotions. Amazingly happy that I made my goal and then some, but anxious and mentally exhausted from all the craziness going on in my work life.
In the end, I just have to stop playing out every scenario in my head and beating myself up over things I can not control. You have to roll with the punches and instead of fighting the winds of change and subscribing to the chaos--you hold yourself with dignity and carry on to the best of your ability. That's all you can do.
This weekend I saw a fellow mixed media artist at our farmer's market and she said something that is prolific in a way. ' If you can make something, you can sell something. We will be okay because we can create with our hands. You just have to get out there and do that. ' Maybe that's what I'm moving towards because I'm quickly finding out that even the safest of havens aren't always all that safe. Always think ahead, plan for the next turn in the road and forge ahead before the rest of the crowd catches up with you.
Last week I was deep in thought about changing positions within my company and I was almost there, I had it in my hand I was moving forward--and this all happened this weekend. The turn of events made me stop and reevaluate my decision as if a lightening bolt had struck just in front of where I was about to step. Stop. Wait. Listen. Now's not the time to do this. I had to listen to the wind. I had to listen to my body. My body was aching and anxious with the turn of events of our industry of our industry. How it all would effect this decision I had made and how it would effect my future was a chance I'm just not willing to take right now with all the uncertainty.

One thing I am certain of, is that I will always create. I will never stop now. Maybe my drive and ambition is that much more fired up. Sometimes necessity spurs change, change spurs action, and action will transcend into rewards. Now stop and listen. I had to. I did. And I'm staying where I'm at, but I'm definitely keeping my eye close to the future.


You are viewing my latest set of paintings. I didn't create them so much with a place in mind like my other paintings of late, but more so for a exploration of color and monotone work. I love this combination of yellow, white, gray and black--what are your thoughts? Does it make you smile? Do they speak to you??


starrynightimpressions said...

Hey lucy girl,
Yes, those colors do speak to me, I'm a ochre color girl.
Real jobs can be so stressful can't they, especially when you care for your co workers. I hope creating brings you calmness and hope within this worlds caos.

Jeanne Rhea said...

Congratulations on the show! I love the colors and you are doing some great work.

About your day job---I don't know about the other W banks, but the one on Capital Blvd just north of me has the very friendliest and helpful employees I have known. Always, always, they remember my name and chat a bit. I really can't imagine how upbeat they can be this day and time---but they still are.

Patti said...

So sorry to hear about what you've been going through... be careful, stress can be a steam roller, dump truck and shredder all in one.
Love the new paintings and wish I could see the First Friday show!

(I posted some John Hiatt lyrics the other day about creating, how it comes through your hands...:)

PCarriker said...

My hubby calls that credit card the 'watch over ya' card. For emergencies. Just remember you have angels that 'watch over ya' sweetie! The whole country is going to be feeling this one way or another. Your paintings are wonderful!

Kathy said...

I know what your gosh do I know. I can't image the stress you carry as a manager, but I can relate to the banking industry. Been there and done that, one was good for me. lol
But, you my little friend are one tough cookie, the bits and pieces of your life you have shared, make me will be A-ok.
We all have moments of stress, you will never get around that. As a negative Nelly by nature, I know a spirited person when I see one. You are one, your words and art are positive and beautiful. I hope for your sake, and our countries sake that things get better, very soon.
Know I am thinking of you!

Regina said...

There is something about yellow that is special for times of stress and grief. I haven't really cared much for yellow for several years (maybe I had too much of it in my teens). But it was a favorite of my Grandma and I found myself using it in my art after she died. When Dad passed on 2 years ago, I went bold with yellow. When the sadness and heaviness are thick, a good dose of yellow is like medicine for me.
I like the way you have toned it with neutrals in this series. I like the positive affirmations.
I hope the process has helped you balance the stress of these days.

gryphon said...

These new works come across as full of hope and joy. Trust that all will turn out for the best. When one door closes another always opens. Sometimes we have to go thru hardship to strengthen our resolve to do what's right for ourselves and our loved ones.

jodi said...

I like the colors, especially the yellow and the gray.

I hope that your work situation gets better soon. In a way you were lucky that you didn't take the job and have the mess happen a week or two afterwards. Timing in life can be everything and in this case you may have been really lucky.

Deborah said...

Hello Lucy. I am smiling. And you sound like an amazing young woman. Keep the faith and you will be exactly where you are supposed to be. I love this combination of color. Makes me happy to look at your dream house piece. The blue-gray makes me feel like I am at a cozy cottage, sipping tea, crocheting with a kitty in my lap. ### I read the book you mentioned and also watched the DVD - well worth it! My sister and I talk about being creative and how it could help us out in a financial pinch or fall. big hug, Deb

Heidi said...

Oh, I was thinking of you. I have other friends who work in banking and they are also going crazy from the stress. I'm glad my husband is out of that business now.

You're right: your art will save you! The new pieces are gorgeous.

Tess said...

You are an amazing woman and yu are doing wonderfully handleing all of this.It shows in your artwork. You may have been feeling negative but the positive shines in your work. yellow is always used to depict sunshine, sunbeams, sparkle, joy. I like these, the colors are definitely different that what you usually use and I love seeing how you have progressed. I wish I could visit the cafe and see all your pretty things on the walls, and have the money to take one with me.
I love your blog, you keep it real.
Chin up, eyes forward, that future is waiting for you to create it, you are in control.