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Sunday, July 06, 2008

Some Things Change, Some Things Stay The Same

"Hometown Friends"
6 x 6 on deep edged stretched canvas
I almost hesitated on posting this little new piece as the colors didn't come out as vibrant in the photos as they are in real life. I did take them outside but perhaps the sun light was not in the best position for me to capture the true essence of this piece. I still have a lot to learn with photo taking. A lot. But I am getting better and I do realize the value of having great photos of your work when you are selling your wares, not to mention, I want to keep my archive of paintings for future uses of prints so I want the prints to look as closely like the originals as possible. Speaking of archives...I need to get my tail busy moving my pictures to cd before this computer blows up from all the abuse I've given her, loading her with picture after picture after picture!!
This weekend has been pretty laid back for me. 4th of July came and went with little fanfare. I opted not to go anywhere this year. Instead we ran errands in the morning, went grocery shopping for some grillin' goodies, came home and relaxed outside with the new Cloth, Paper, Scissors magazine, DS played with the neighbor girls with the slip and slide, the went with his Dad to the fireworks (it seems to have become a routine that his Dad takes him to the fireworks each year....I guess it's a guy thing and the new wife doesn't like me taggin along so I stay, and then a friend of mine came over for some grillin out and some wine. All in all not a bad 4th, but I do miss the bigger get togethers my family used to have each year and then all of us walking down to the lake for the fireworks show.

After my friend Linda left at about 11, I settled in for bed but was rudely awoken about 1 am by furious knocking and the dog barking. I go to the front door and there's no one....but there is a taxi in my driveway??? huh??? The dog is still barking and so I go to the back door....and yep, it's What's His Face. Drunk. Just came from the "DANCE" Club. I say Dance loosely, or nudely rather. He wants to stay here AND for me to pay for the taxi because he is out of money!!! The taxi won't take him to where he lives because it's too far.
Did you hear me when I say he WANTED ME TO PAY for the taxi after he spent all HIS money at the club????

Oh my goodnesss...well since this is a family show, you don't want to know what came out of my mouth.
Needless to say, the night was not good. Yesterday morning wasn't good either since I had to end up paying for gas to take him home and I was ill from the night before, mad as all get out at the audacity of him to actually think I was going to pay for the f***ing taxi!! No Bleepity bleep bleep bleep Way!!!

The bright side to the story is that he is actually working and can pay to go to the club himself.
He is still begging me to take him back because he has done everything I wanted him to do. Got a job, got his own place, and not doing drugs anymore. That doesn't erase all the pain and suffering I had gone through though. Nights like the one described above is a scaled down night like it used to be alllll the blessed time. Ridiculous.
There is still the looming issue of the drinking that I can't get passed either. Not that I'm a prude and detest everyone that drinks. I enjoy a cocktail from time to time. I can't be around alcoholics though. Too many bad memories from my past relationships and other events in my life with alcoholics in other close people's lives. You never know when that switch is going to be flipped and the happy fun person is turned into a monster from hell.
It doesn't take much for that switch to be flipped.

I do have to say though, the bright side of this whole adventure is the amount of artwork that my experience has inspired me to create. It's that escape that I started with to get away from all the sadness, anxiety, and depression that I have turned into a gateway for my new passion. Not everything I create has come from this experience, but the the idea of painting and creating is rooted in that need to go to another place and escape in my mind.
Now it's become a way of life.
I believe it's time to move. Over 3 rooms in our house as well as just about every storage area and built in cabinet houses my artwork and supplies. I need a bigger place for the rest of us to live, but then again, I like to create out in the open, not in a separate room.
I can only imagine what someone would say if I did start dating again about all of my art supplies in the area that used to be my dining room. LOL I'm not sure they would understand the journey I've taken to get to where I am today and why it is that I do what I do.

Then again, I could always point them to my blog and just say read may just begin to understand me from my posts and artwork.
There's still a lot yet to discover yet. I'm just not so sure I'm ready yet to open up to anyone else to join this journey with me.
No, I'm prepared to walk alone for a while yet longer.

This last piece feature is called:

"Through the Window of His Eye" which is the 3rd in my Faith Collection. This one depicts the window to which I am looking at as I see myself and the approval I"m looking for, for using the new skills I've been honing. The gifts HE gave me. I'm hoping they are being put to good use in His eyes.

It has helped to save me and my sanity.
(((((UPDATE-I have mounted this now and it is currently available in my Etsy shop. Mounted on a 12 x 12 black and gold masonite board. It looks striking on this 'frame'!))))))

Next post--my FANTaBuLouS swap package from Katie!!!!!! You won't believe all the wonderful goodies she had in store for me!!


Heidi said...

Oh geez, sorry you had to deal with that mess this weekend. :( Bummer.

I love the Window piece--it's beautiful! Looks just like a stained glass window. Pretty!

Mónica Zúñiga said...

It is a beautiful painting! You could use photoshop to enhance your colors, of course it takes practice, but it´s a great tool, sometimes cameras change a bit the real colors, but I think you did a great job! ;D

Alisa Nordholt-Dean said...

Your new pieces are beautiful! Sorry to hear about your bummer of a weekend, but if your gorgeous window piece was a result of your late night encounter, then I think it was well worth it!

Mrs.Kwitty said...

Doesn't that just make you appreciate all the more that you have moved on? So sorry that you are still dealing with that crap though (what the heck!) On the happy side--your art is just getting better and better, and I'm sure that when you meet that special person, they will not only understand your art--but will appreciate it!
Hugs! Karen

Patti said...

Back when I borrowed the 20 questions thing and you said we had a lot in common, I had no idea. Reading your post was like typing on a vintage... tap, tap, tap hitting buttons.
Man, you sure do know how to channel, for sure. The art you've done is, well, incredible. You seem like a very brave and wise spirit - funny how life twists us into these shapes:)
When you're taking photos, make sure it's a bright day but not direct sunlight - sorry if that's way basic, but thought it might help. Better too if you don't have to use a flash.
hugs, take care and come visit some time.

Christy said...

It sounds like you handled the situation very well. I'm glad to see you putting the extra energy into your art. The new pieces are both wonderful! :)

Anonymous said...

Sister, we missed you this year...I threw the party and we all spoke of missing you. Sat on the beach for fireworks. I wish you were closer, I would take care of whats his face for you. I love you. Your art is fantastic and I brag to all I know about you and your art. Love and Miss you

Ragamuffin Gal said...

Hi Hon,
I am glad that you were able to create with all of this turmoil around you. I just would like to find you, give you a hug, make you your favorite summer drink and let you just talk it out or just be silent while we sat and drank our drinks. I am praying showers of good things to flow over you and around you. You are stronger than you think. Thinking of, praying for you in Missouri.

PS I have some killer shoes I put on for buttkickings too.LOL, No really I have these shoes that make me look over 6 feet tall and my friend asked me to wear them and come over one day when she was dealing with an ex.

Apron Thrift Girl said...

After I left my alcoholic boyfriend for the 11th time and was finally finished I had issues with others drinking for a few years. It sucked that something that can be enjoyable if not abused was ruined for me. But luckily I met dh, although pre h, and while it took me time to get used to him drinking and trusting him that he wasn't going to freak and start lying to me, in the end we both can have a drink together in peace. Blessing Lucy. As always your art is stunning.

laura said...

OK...I have to say it...your work would make such a good card the card a day inspiration cards by Jerry & Ester Hicks or Carolyn Myss...I can so see you teaming up with one of them or using your own words and making a can order blank cards from your local bookstore (they are by U.S. Games) and you could make your own. I did a few decks and had a blast with it...I kept trying to figure out the feelings your art gives me and then it occurred to me that they are like that spiritual deck artwork.