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Saturday, October 20, 2007

Where's My Diamond?




Dear You know WHO you ARe:

After 2 years together-December 24th, 2005 you gave me an engagement ring as a promise for a bright and better future for us. Unfortunately, the rock on my hand didn't quite hold up to the rockiness in the road over the next year and half. I could stay here all night and list the wrongs, the broken promises, the tears I shed and now the anger I feel for all that's transpired. You still think I can move past all that and try again but I can't and I won't. I've already given a hundred chances too many. Last year on my birthday, I found out that the ring I had given back because of our break up (which at that time I was hoping you'd see the light and get help but of course you didn't and probably never will) had been sold to your "sources". You claim no---it was stolen. Hmmmmmm ya tell me another one. Just like all the things that were stolen that were of value from me before (my camera, other jewelry, the kids tv, the vcr, the dvd player, the games, your daughter's games, and playstation 3, the scooter, the motorcyle, the debit card, the cash countless times)...hmmm we must live in a very rough neighborhood--or the thieves just like us and come visit us often taken our stuff piece by piece. I know all those things are just things---but a ring?? That should have had some meaning to you, it should have meant something more--something sacred. But it didn't. The one thing I can say is that because of you, I have drummed up my creative side once again. Through the pain, the sorrow, the tears, the fear, the let downs, the broken promises, has arose---something more from me, for me.

I'm still weak though--make no mistake, what you've done has caused its damage. Not just financially, but emotionally as well. What has evolved is a new resolve. A new resolve not to ever let anything even remotely close to what has happened, ever ever ever ever happen again to me, or my kids for that matter. You may think everyone has influence on me and my decisions but you are the biggest influence of all. All in all, the decision is purely mine. The past doesn't go away. It comes back to me every day, every night. Don't get me wrong, I know underneath all the madness and drama you are a good person that is the person I loved-and will love in my own (from a distance) way. That's what makes it so hard, but the the bad part that comes out of you drowns out the goodness which is really a shame.

Maybe one day you'll see the light before it's too late. I will be gone though and not be able to see it with you. I will however be thinking of you as I whip out my brush and my canvas.

You've given me a lot of inspiration as a foundation for my new life. For that, I do thank you!

Hopefully, some day you'll do the right thing even when no one else is looking. That would be a step in the right direction.

That's all I have to say about that. Life is like a box of Chocolates. :)

lucy

13 comments :

janealt said...

wow, Lucy, you've really been through a lot. You have a great perspective, don't ever turn that telescope around! Jane

Sarah and Jack said...

People like that really never turn around and do the right thing, do they? After all, the prisons are full of repeat offenders, aren't they? Sigh, I'm sorry that was hard for you chicka.

Heidi said...

Keep your resolve, girlfriend!

FrostingsNSparkles said...

Lucy, you are a brilliantly creative person. It seems like many of us who express ourselves artistically also have the side where we give, and trust, and don't end up seeing the wonderful gifts that we actually have to share. You are so beautifully talented, and I am so happy that you are channeling yourself into your art. I'm so sorry that you had to go through something like that. (((Big hugs)))

nancyb said...

Amen to that sista! Follow your path and your dreams girl! You will always have a friend in me darlin! xo Nance

Rebecca said...

screw that guy. good riddance. his loss.

jar said...

Go Girl!!! I am cheering you on from the sidelines.

Jane said...

Lucy,

All that resolve and transformation you have been trough comes out in your art! It's so inspiring. I think you should post an art timeline. Order the pictures as you made them through the year. You will see how strong and liberated your messages have become this year. You are so inspiring! I wish I had a gallery for you to exhibit in.

And, just think about what your children are learning about determination, strength and persistance!

Mrs.Kwitty said...

Good for you--sad, but we really are the only ones who can stick up for us. Obviously he needs more help than you could possibly give him. Stand up straight and tall, and be proud of yourself.
Hugs.

Jenn Maruska said...

Hear hear! You've done alot on your own. And you are evolving as an artist. You didn't need him at all.

Mrs. Kwitty is right - be proud of yourself : )

All the best!

amy said...

Wow that sucks and I have been through some of that before. You seem to be a strong and creative woman though and it's wonderful for you to have some fuel for your art!

Paula said...

Lucy ~ I had tears in my eyes reading this, knowing just what you're feeling. I have been down the same road you're walking now and my darling daughter is trodding it, too. Be strong, know that you are worth a whole lot more than that loser could ever offer you. Things will look up for you eventually. I'm living proof of that. Big hugs to you!

linda t said...

So proud of you Lucy!
We are so blessed to be the recipients of your pain and sorrow.... your amazing art! The Lord really does work everything for the good... you have discovered who you are and what you are capable of doing. And we are so happy for you and your sons. Stay strong.