Saturday, October 20, 2007
Where's My Diamond?
Dear You know WHO you ARe:
After 2 years together-December 24th, 2005 you gave me an engagement ring as a promise for a bright and better future for us. Unfortunately, the rock on my hand didn't quite hold up to the rockiness in the road over the next year and half. I could stay here all night and list the wrongs, the broken promises, the tears I shed and now the anger I feel for all that's transpired. You still think I can move past all that and try again but I can't and I won't. I've already given a hundred chances too many. Last year on my birthday, I found out that the ring I had given back because of our break up (which at that time I was hoping you'd see the light and get help but of course you didn't and probably never will) had been sold to your "sources". You claim no---it was stolen. Hmmmmmm ya tell me another one. Just like all the things that were stolen that were of value from me before (my camera, other jewelry, the kids tv, the vcr, the dvd player, the games, your daughter's games, and playstation 3, the scooter, the motorcyle, the debit card, the cash countless times)...hmmm we must live in a very rough neighborhood--or the thieves just like us and come visit us often taken our stuff piece by piece. I know all those things are just things---but a ring?? That should have had some meaning to you, it should have meant something more--something sacred. But it didn't. The one thing I can say is that because of you, I have drummed up my creative side once again. Through the pain, the sorrow, the tears, the fear, the let downs, the broken promises, has arose---something more from me, for me.
I'm still weak though--make no mistake, what you've done has caused its damage. Not just financially, but emotionally as well. What has evolved is a new resolve. A new resolve not to ever let anything even remotely close to what has happened, ever ever ever ever happen again to me, or my kids for that matter. You may think everyone has influence on me and my decisions but you are the biggest influence of all. All in all, the decision is purely mine. The past doesn't go away. It comes back to me every day, every night. Don't get me wrong, I know underneath all the madness and drama you are a good person that is the person I loved-and will love in my own (from a distance) way. That's what makes it so hard, but the the bad part that comes out of you drowns out the goodness which is really a shame.
Maybe one day you'll see the light before it's too late. I will be gone though and not be able to see it with you. I will however be thinking of you as I whip out my brush and my canvas.
You've given me a lot of inspiration as a foundation for my new life. For that, I do thank you!
Hopefully, some day you'll do the right thing even when no one else is looking. That would be a step in the right direction.
That's all I have to say about that. Life is like a box of Chocolates. :)